Back Then

Im sharing this with you guys. Probally wont read it or care but I am. For some reason I havent spoken to himin days yet I still dream about him! omfg I want to get over him but Idk how. He was horrible to me yet im still holding on. he took a piece of me I guess. He couldnt give a damn about me yet I still want him! Idk why I tld my friends I think i'm crazy. well last night I had a dream about him its sort of a nightmare to me, since he talks about other girls right in front of me then he says that I stressed him out and got on his nerves I woke up crying since those were things he told me all the time for mostly no reason at all. Making it seem like everythings my fault. I woke up crying also because theres other girls involed I can't get over the fact that he talks to other girls and since in the dream he doesnt talk to me. In real life I'll be forgotten and he wont talk to me. I know I havent tlkd to him nor has he but I still cant shake this. He's my first real love I believed everything he said I went along with anything he said and I was there I guess I was nothing to him or either all guys are heartless. mind you this has been since january and now that Its time for school it'll really be forget you Erika. So instead of running and crying and texting him and tellin him how much I love him and miss him and that I had a bad dream I just wrote it down in my diary. " It sucks when your dream is no longer just a dream its a reality."
 "Your always there day and night if I'm not actually thinking of you I still end up doing it. Its so frustrating. I feel so crazy. You said in the dream you were tired and always stressed out. I heard you, I know you meant it, becasue you told me that in reality tons of times. Now I have to accept that there will be others, way better than me. Even though you say its not my fault I feel like it is. No I dont want your pity or attention i know you dont want me or even care. I just want to get out of this nightmare. Its a whole and im trapped."

Now before hes told me that he broke up w.me becasue he didnt want to use me anymore and he wanted relations with other people no relationship and were friends. Everytime before I asked him why he broke up w.me it was something new, "my family,me, stressed out, he doesnt want a relationship, or either he just wouldnt answer. Ugh!!!" I tried being his friend and hanging out with him but I cried right after. We hung out for 20 min ths it I cried right after and I havent spoken to him since which was about 3 days ago. hmhm. so yeah I havent spoken w.him since then and I havent spilled my guts to him again..go me i guess. even though it seems like it gets worse everyday I dnt communicate w.him. Just pray :/

dress: thrifted

shoes: payless

bangle: I always wear given to me by my grandmother

necklace: my trademark I always wear.