I felt like I was going to die now I just want to die

 It’s 7 o’clock on the dot I’m in my drop top cursing the streets. No not really I just needed a laugh even though I didn’t laugh. Life feels pointless I don’t feel joy I don’t feel happiness. I’m tired. I don’t have the strength to keep going. I am tired. Make it a great day or not the choice is yours. Something I would hear over the intercom in elementary or middle school. I believe it was elementary school. I feel like I’m suffering everyday. you are safe you are loved you are protected always. I will probably delete this post. I will post again soon. Today I’m forcing myself to go outside. Hopefully I make it out and don’t end up crying in the corner of my bathroom. After everything that happened I felt like I was going to die now I just want to die. 

Living hurts I am broken beyond repair

One day I will post my outfits again and get back to fashion and dancing but right now the past few months I don’t even want to live. I cry everyday I wake up but it’s not like before this time I truly have no hope left. I wish there was a magic pill I could take to not remember how life is. I don’t want to write anymore so I will stop. I know I’m supposed to say it gets better stay strong but it just seems to get worse. I am in so much pain I don’t want to be here anymore because that’s how I feel. And why stay here and accomplish or enjoy when death is the end goal. I am broken beyond repair living hurts. Peace 

This is me Monday July 6,2026 

I don’t want to be here anymore but afraid to leave

 I have to get this out somehow I don’t have a formal way of saying how I have been. I don’t plan on harming myself but I don’t want to be here anymore. I feel so depressed I don’t think it can compare to anything I have felt before. Living feels painful. I don’t want to talk about anything that happened to me. I just want to go back to how it was before. I was hurt and in pain but at least I had a will to live. I feel afraid no one can help me. The scariest part is not being able to help my children. I’m disconnected from myself and everything around me. I don’t see a point in living if we all just die and I’m also afraid to die. I have felt this way before when I was threatened by two different men and I had stress from my family but it eventually went away or I just smoked so much weed that I forgot about it. I was recently triggered by horrible events and I can’t seem to shake this. I have two children and I feel like this will never end. I am in so much pain but I don’t want sympathy I just want to be myself again. I feel like part of my brain is gone. I am advocating for myself but I am tired. 

This photo was taken in 2024 I believe or 2023 I am wearing a vintage thrifted blue dress.